30
by little red3
Summary: What happened in that half an hour between Harry and Cho's kiss and Harry's return to the common room in book 5? Here are 9 scenarios...Please R&R!
1. Scenarios 1 through 4

30  
  
A fanfic by little red  
  
Author's Note: While reading "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", I realized that in Chapter 21 on page 457, Cho Chang and Harry Potter share a kiss which evidently took a half an hour to accomplish. If you don't believe me, go and re-read that page. It specifically says, "He returned to the common room half an hour later to find..." yada yada yada and so on. Well, I have compiled a number of scenarios that had taken up a half-hour time slot in the story. I know for a fact that snogging, or just kissing for that matter, doesn't take a half an hour, unless you're just really bent on it, or your boyfriend is prude and that's all he wants to do. Or if you're in a romance comedy and it takes a half an hour to do that spinning motion with the camera. But other then that, there is no way that Harry and Cho were kissing under some nargle-infested mistletoe for a half an hour. I have also taken into consideration that it takes a while to walk from one part of the castle to another, but this is too damn fun. By the way, each scenario is going to start with Harry and Cho having the same conversation from the book.  
  
Disclaimer- I, such as a hobo, own nothing. But J.K. Rowling does, in fact she owns every character in this fanfic. She also owns the first part of my scenarios  
  
Scenario 1: The mushy-romantic-sexy one  
  
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.  
  
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"  
  
"What are nargles?"  
  
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."  
  
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.  
  
"I really like you Harry"  
  
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.  
  
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .  
  
(This is my part now)  
  
Cho pressed her lips against Harry's. It wasn't what Harry had thought. Instead of all romantic and Christmas-y and all that jazz, it was quite awkward. And wet. That silly cow had just been crying over her dead boyfriend, and now she was kissing someone else.  
  
Cho pulled away quickly though. She was thinking the same things. She was torn between that hunk of burning love in front of her and that dead rotting corpse from her past. But just as she pulled away, Harry kissed her back. Okay, so maybe that dead rotting corpse could wait. Cho was feeling that tingly warm girly sensation that told her "Girlfriend! Cedric is SO dead! You've got one steamy love scene ahead of you. Go for it!"  
  
Cho pushed Harry onto one of those red satin cushions that the room was littered with. (Harry and the gang have good taste!) Cho made a sexy growling noise.  
  
"Oh dear Lord" thought Harry. He had just been growled at in a sexy provocative way and that whole tingly warm sensation that was all over his body was now focused on one area.  
  
Harry was ready to get it on.  
  
Cho was ready to get it on.  
  
They then proceeded to get it on.  
  
Needless to say, it was really good.  
  
And it all happened in a half an hour. (Unlikely? Well, I've got a broad imagination, so I made it happen)  
  
END SCENARIO 1  
  
Scenario 2: The disturbing-pleading-favor one  
  
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.  
  
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"  
  
"What are nargles?"  
  
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."  
  
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.  
  
"I really like you Harry"  
  
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.  
  
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .  
  
Cho kissed Harry ever so lightly on the lips. It was a sweet gesture but Harry couldn't go on with it. He had someone else on his mind. But Cho had pulled away very quickly and began to cry again. Harry patted her on the back and Cho began to sob on his shoulder.  
  
"I think I should go Harry," said Cho. "I'm so sorry. I can't do this so soon"  
  
And with a ruffle of robes, Cho was gone. Harry felt disappointed, but he needed to see someone else immediately.  
  
Harry ran down the corridors to the all too familiar office of Professor Umbridge. She was sitting at her desk wearing that horrid fluffy pink cardigan. She looked up, surprised to see him.  
  
"Mr. Potter, I'm flattered, but you don't have a detention tonight. Although, you've had so many, I can see why you're confused. Your ban from the Quidditch team didn't include a detention with me." said Umbridge in her sugary placid voice.  
  
"I know professor. It's just that I wanted to tell you that..Erm..That I'm prepared to do anything to get on the team again. Anything." said Harry.  
  
"Anything?"  
  
"Anything." said Harry defiantly. He would write lines in his own blood again. He would permanently clean Umbridge's office. He would even clean ever single cardigan she owned. He needed Quidditch. It was his heroin. And if he didn't get it back, he was probably going to start heroin as well.  
  
"Well, Mr. Potter," said Umbridge in a deeper unnatural voice. "There is something you could do for me"  
  
Umbridge whispered something in Harry's ear. He didn't even think she would request a sexual favor. But if it meant getting onto the Quidditch team, he was ready to do what she asked.  
  
(A/N- I'm not going to say what that favor is exactly. I will leave it up to you, the reader, to think of something on your own. It can include anything from whips to handcuffs. It is in your hands.)  
  
After [your sexual favor here], Harry started on his way to the common room. Only 20 minutes ago he was kissing Cho Chang, and now he just got finished doing [your sexual favor here]. But he was back on the team!  
  
END SCENARIO 2  
  
Scenario 3: The fluffy-bath-kitty one  
  
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.  
  
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"  
  
"What are nargles?"  
  
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."  
  
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.  
  
"I really like you Harry"  
  
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.  
  
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .  
  
Harry knew that Cho wanted a kiss. Harry couldn't help but think of something different as he pushed his lips onto Chos' pouting shivering mouth. Harry knew Cho enjoyed it, especially after she stuck her tongue in his mouth. He wasn't expecting that. But as soon as it happened, it ended. And Cho had tears streaking down her face again. She looked at Harry longingly, but Harry knew that Cho was still thinking about Cedric. He couldn't blame her. Cedric was a fine piece of ass.  
  
"I have to leave Harry. I really do like you, and that was great, but I'm not ready to move on." said Cho.  
  
"It's okay. This should be about you, and how you feel. But I'll be here when you are ready." said Harry.  
  
'Why does he have to be so wonderful?' thought Cho. She left in a skirmish. She had to get back to her bedroom and have erotic dreams including both Harry and Cedric.  
  
Harry on the other hand, was left in the Room of Requirement. He pulled out the Marauder's Map and found the little dot named "Mrs. Norris". She was lurking on the forth floor. He ran out of the room, all the time looking at his map to make sure Mrs. Norris wasn't going anywhere. He finally arrived to the hallway where Mrs. Norris was laying.  
  
Harry eyed her, and he could feel Mrs. Norris scan his body. She was just about to run to Filch when Harry muttered something to her.  
  
"I've been wanting to do this for a long time, Mrs. Norris."  
  
Harry then jumped halfway down the hall and landed his hands on Mrs. Norris's body. He picked her up and began to say in a baby voice,  
  
"Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"  
  
Harry had always loved cats, and now he finally had that oh-so adorable Mrs. Norris in his hands.  
  
"Kitty want a bath? Kitty want a bath?"  
  
Mrs. Norris didn't respond. Well, of course she didn't, she's a cat. But Harry began to lick her fur. He was giving what cats refer to as a bath. After 20 minutes of licking and 9 hairballs later, Harry returned to the common room. He wasn't going to tell Ron or Hermione about his run in with Mrs. Norris. He would tell them that he was talking to Cho after their snogging. But just about everyone would notice Mrs. Norris's gleaming coat  
  
END SCENARIO 3  
  
Okay guys, last scenario.  
  
Scenario 4: The oldie-bearded-gross one (don't let the name scare you.)  
  
"Mistletoe" said Cho quietly, pointing at the ceiling over his head.  
  
"Yeah" said Harry. His mouth was very dry. "It's probably full of nargles, though"  
  
"What are nargles?"  
  
"No idea," said Harry. She had moved closer. His brain seemed to be stunned. "You'd have to ask Loony. I mean Luna."  
  
Cho made a funny noise halfway between a sob and a laugh. She was even nearer him now. He could have counted the freckles on her nose.  
  
"I really like you Harry"  
  
He could not think. A tingling sensation was spreading throughout him, paralyzing his arms, legs, and brain.  
  
She was much too close. He could see every tear clinging to her eyelashes . . . .  
  
Cho leaned slightly into Harry's body. Harry was considerably taller then her, so she stood on her toes and pressed her lips onto Harry's. Harry welcomed this graciously and kissed her back. They began to do what my dad calls "necking". Or what the English call "snogging". But Cho couldn't stand it anymore. Harry had awful breath, so she pulled away and muttered something about needing to change her tampon and left in a scuffle.  
  
'Okay' thought Harry. He needed to waste 20 or so minutes before he could go back to the common room so he could tell Ron that he nailed Cho Chang and so Ron could tell the whole school, and end up making Cho feel like a cheap whore. At least that's what they do in my school.  
  
Harry decided to go visit Dumbledore. He needed to ask him some questions. Like "Why are you being such an ass and not telling me anything?" and "How much ya bench?" and of course "How many girls have you shagged?" You know, guy stuff. Harry got to Dumbledore's office and began reeling off the names of candies until he got the password right.  
  
"Cockroach Cluster..Lemon Drop..erm...Bertie Botts..uhh.Candy Condoms.."  
  
The gargoyle who guarded Dumbledore's office jumped to the side to the phrase "Candy Condoms".  
  
"That Dumbledore" said Harry. He then bit his finger in a Shirley Temple- esque type way.  
  
Harry took the stairs up to the office where Dumbledore greeted him courteously. Dumbledore took Harry to the side. Dumbledore brought Harry to a big cushiony chair and sat down.  
  
"You can sit on my knee little boy! Tell Santa exactly what you want for Christmas!" said Dumbledore.  
  
"Umm, professor? I'd rather not play 'Sexy Santa' this time." said Harry.  
  
"But I love that game! How about Dick Tracy: Sexy Eye? Or Sexy Cop and Dirty Robber? Please?" beseeched Dumbledore.  
  
"Listen Albus! I need to know why you're ignoring me?" said Harry  
  
"I'm feeling, I don't know! Suffocated!"  
  
"You're just in it for the sex aren't you?" said Harry  
  
"No, schnookums! I love you"  
  
" Then maybe you shouldn't keep secrets from me! Why wont you tell me about Voldemort? I know that you used to go out with him, but I'm not interested in your old boy slaves! I just want to stop him from killing everyone!" said Harry  
  
"Oh, you're right. You're always right. I should be open about my past." whimpered Dumbledore.  
  
"Oh look Alby. Mistletoe" said Harry 'Hmmm. Déjà vu!' he thought.  
  
He and Dumbledore did some lip locking and began to delve into those deep relationship solidifying conversations that always end in cuddling.  
  
"We'll play 'Sexy Santa' later" said Harry.  
  
END SCENARIO 4  
  
A/N- Well, didja like? Review to let me know! I love you all! Wait.not you. But the rest of you are okay. If you liked this story, check out 'Harry Potter and the Mission of Life (version 2.0)'. It was on the site like a week and a half ago, but the site deleted it because it was rated pg-13 but should have been R. So if you enjoy R-rated things, check it out. You can review that one too. Thanks  
  
-little red 


	2. AUTHOR'S NOTE

Author's Note  
  
Thanks for all the reviews, and sorry that this isn't another chapter of scenarios. Most of you guys have given me great reviews, but some of you are taking these a little too seriously. Believe, me..I know that scenarios two and four are a little "out there" and "disturbing", but its ALL IN GOOD FUN! I'm stuck out in the back woods for summer vacation, and I let my mind wander. So of course a few scenarios have been a little gross, but then again, I wasn't put in therapy because I was normal. Just Kidding. Kind of.  
  
Also, I wasn't expecting such a good flow of reviews in so little time. The demand for more scenarios caught me off guard, and it's been a little tough to think of more on request. If any of you have good ideas, send them to me at littlered213@sbcglobal.net and I will personally put your author alias before the scenario. Thanks guys, I'm thinking as fast as I can!  
  
-little red 


	3. Scenarios 5 through7

Author's Note-WOW!!! Thanks to everybody who reviewed! I wasn't expecting so many reviews in one day! Nor was I expecting to write any more chapters to this! And for those reviewers who were kind enough to remind me that scenario number 4 is quite disturbing, I assure all of you that this is ALL IN GOOD FUN! So cheers everybody, I have written more for you! By the way, due to the fact that reading the same few sentences over and over (i.e. the Cho/Harry convo before the big smooch), I'm just going to screw it and get to the good parts!  
  
-little red P.S.- Oh! You've all made me so happy!  
  
Disclaimer- seeing as that I am a raucous drunk hobo, I own nothing, except for the bottle of Peppermint Schnapps that I grasp with my free hand. J.K. Rowling and AOL/Time Warner own everything in site. I do own this laptop and the box that I am writing from. By the way, do you have any change?  
  
-little red (resident hobo)  
  
Scenario 5: The call-of-the-wild one  
  
A/N- So sorry for another one, but absolutely NO ONE in Harry Potter seems to have a urinary or intestinal tract. This should be interesting. And I won't get detailed in a 'Fat Bastard' kind of way. That stuff grosses me out way too much.  
  
Harry thought to himself "Now or never, mate"  
  
It was so obvious that Cho wanted to be kissed. What a clever girl, setting this up with the mistletoe. Harry leaned his head to Cho's and kissed her lightly on her trembling mouth. She accepted this with pleasure, but quite suddenly, Harry felt a sharp pain in his abdomen.  
  
"Oh, not now! I knew I shouldn't have had that third helping of shepherd's pie!" thought Harry.  
  
Cho felt Harry's resistance and pulled her head from his.  
  
"Harry? Is something the matter?" said Cho. But soon she did not need to ask. The Room of Requirement in which they were just kissing in had filled with chamber pots.  
  
"Oh shit." said Harry. He forgot that whatever he desperately needed, the Room of Requirement would grant him just that. He had just been thinking to himself "Dear Lord! I need a place to shit!" Harry swore under his breath. (A/N- Why is it always UNDER their breath. When I swear, it's usually at the top of my lungs).  
  
"Umm, Harry? Maybe I should go," said Cho. Harry had a desperate get-me-to- the-loo-now kind of look. Cho left quickly.  
  
The moment Cho left, Harry began to undo his trousers and did a sort of gallop/jig towards a chamber pot. The only problem was that his zipper was stuck.  
  
"Ooooohhhhhh NO! Not now! Not now!" yelled Harry.  
  
Harry struggled with his trousers. Why do the school uniform trousers have to be loose enough to feel comfy, but too tight to pull off in a goddamned emergency?  
  
"I better not shit in my pa-" Harry stopped himself mid sentence.  
  
"I can't believe I just shat myself," said Harry with a grimace on his face.  
  
He left the Room of Requirement at a very slow pace. He took baby steps, which is why it took so long to get back to the common room. He was so ashamed.  
  
"I can't believe I fucking shat my trousers."  
  
END SCENARIO 5  
  
(A/N-Was that gross? If it was, I'm truly sorry, but even though they have bathrooms at Hogwarts, I have a sneaking suspicion they are not used. If I caused discomfort, I will pay your therapy bills. You pay for the Prozac though)  
  
Scenario 6: The busted-awkward-greasy one  
  
(A/N-Someone suggested that I use Snape in a scenario, so thanks you!)  
  
Harry finally understood what Cho meant when she pointed out the mistletoe.  
  
"She made it so obvious! I'm such a dumb ass!" thought Harry. "What should I do? What should I do?"  
  
But before Harry could come up with some sort of game plan, Cho draped her arms around him and began to snog him senseless. And just like in "Scenario 5", the Room of Requirement transformed itself. There were candles everywhere, and a bed with black satin sheets.  
  
"What? Cho? I wasn't thinking this!" said Harry. It was true. He didn't even think it was necessary.  
  
"Yeah, but I was." said Cho.  
  
"Oh God! Oh God! She's moving too fast. What am I going to do? I don't think I can do this!" thought Harry. But he didn't have time to think. Cho had pushed him on to the bed and straddled him.  
  
"What is with this chick?" thought Harry "First she's crying about he dead boyfriend and now she trying to bloody shag me!"  
  
Cho began to strip Harry down. Harry was uncomfortable, but didn't feel like he needed to complain.  
  
" I just hope she doesn't compare me to Cedric, because I heard he was a good shag." thought Harry to himself as Cho began to take off her shirt.  
  
But before Cho could even lift her shirt over her head, the raging hormones stopped in their tracks. Why you say?  
  
" Ahem." said a cold voice.  
  
Harry and Cho looked to the door where the voice was coming from. It was none other then Severus Snape.  
  
"Mr. Potter, Ms. Chang, I believe you are both in very big trouble. Not only are you out after hours, but you are also, ahem, discrediting school policy. I'm sure you two can find other times and places to fall to teenage hormones. But seeing as this is no proper time or place, you will both be serving a week's worth detentions. Now put your clothes on and get out of here. If I ever find either of you in this room after hours again, I will make sure that you are expelled."  
  
Snape spun on his heel (like he always does) and left the two nearly naked teenagers to cope with the fact that their most hated professor just saw them half naked and close to shagging.  
  
Cho looked at Harry, brought her shirt back down all the way and ran out of the Room of Requirement crying.  
  
"That was a close one," said Harry after she left.  
  
He put his clothes back on and walked semi-briskly back to the common room. There was no need to share this with anyone.  
  
END SCENARIO 6  
  
(A/N- Sorry guys, that wasn't that funny, but, ehhh, I try.)  
  
Scenario 7: The flaming-disturbing-Slytherin one  
  
Harry had no time to think. Cho had pointed out mistletoe, and everyone under the fricken sun knows that you're supposed to kiss under mistletoe. Harry glanced up at the mistletoe to realize that Cho had moved so close, they were both under it. Harry gulped.  
  
"Cho, I can't" said Harry "I'm just having a hard time with a lot of things, and I can't take anymore stress."  
  
"I understand Harry. I don't think I'd be able to handle this either, with Cedric being d-d-dead and all." said Cho. Cho gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and ran out of the room.  
  
"Good. Now I have some other things to attend to." said Harry to himself.  
  
Harry made his way to the dungeons to find a certain prefect waiting for him.  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
"Sorry, I was held up by some pressing matters. But I'm here now, that's all that matters." said Harry.  
  
The perfect prefect Harry had been talking to stepped out of the shadows. It was none other then that blonde, sexy piece of Slytherin, Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Still, I don't like to be kept waiting" said Draco as he pulled out a whip.  
  
"I know, but that silly wench Cho Chang was trying to kiss me!" said Harry, putting on a pair of leather pants and a police officer's hat.  
  
"I'm the only one who gets to kiss you!" said Draco, pulling off his robes to reveal a mess of leather and chains.  
  
"I know, love. Shall we?" said Harry gesturing to a private dungeon.  
  
"Yes, let's." said Draco  
  
And they went on their merry way doing God knows what.  
  
END SCENARIO 7 


	4. Scenarios 8 and 9

30  
  
A fan fiction by little red  
  
A/N- After months of concentrating on more important things, I have finally decided write more scenarios to "30". Now that I have a minimum wage job, I have upgraded from living in a box to an empty dumpster filled with mattresses. Now that winter approaches, and more hobo fires are being made on the street, I have seen it fit to distract myself, by writing more! So, here ya go.  
  
-little red (your neighborhood hobo)  
  
Scenario 7: The silky-red headed-medieval one  
  
Cho moved in closer, but Harry backed away. Was he ready for this? His "trouser mate" was rearing to go, but his brain wasn't ready to come out of boy hood. Just two years ago, he thought girls had cooties, but usually in the fight brain versus penis, usually penis goes for the gold. Harry then draped his arms around Cho's body and went in for the kill. Just then Cho backed away, slapped Harry on the face, and yelled  
  
"What kind of girl do you think I am?"  
  
"Well, you were practically begging for it!" replied Harry.  
  
"But I thought that you were g-....I mean....ummm" Cho said hesitantly.  
  
"Well, out with it then!" said Harry.  
  
"Well, I didn't think you would try to kiss me because I thought you were, well...Harry, I thought you were gay!" said Cho, her eyes filling with tears.  
  
"What! Me? Gay?" said a bewildered Harry. "Well, if you thought I was gay, why would you make such a fuss with talking to me?"  
  
"I really want a guy friend who will want to talk to me with out thinking of me naked!" said Cho, looking at the floor. "I've got to go."  
  
"Fine, leave me here with a hard on so I can take care of it myself" yelled Harry as Cho left him alone in the Room of Requirement.  
  
Harry sat there thinking about how gay he was coming off. Yeah, he spent a lot of time with Ron, but he spent the same amount of time with Hermione. But, then again, he did take long showers in the Quidditch locker room. But he also spent the same amount of time sneaking into the girl's locker room and watching Alicia and Katie take showers.  
  
"Screw Cho" said Harry to himself, as he began to make his way back to the common room. When he got there, it was quite full for being late at night. He saw all the 5th year boys huddled around the fire. He went over and asked  
  
"What's going on? Why are all of you down here?"  
  
"Oh, no reason" said Seamus Finnegan with a smirk on his eyebrow-less face.  
  
"Umm, right" said Harry as he began to make way to the dorms. "I'll just be off to bed"  
  
"Have fun." said Dean Thomas  
  
"I wonder why they're all acting so-" began Harry. He stopped mid-sentence when he walked into a candle lit dormitory. "-peculiar" he finished  
  
Ron was lying on Harry's bed wearing nothing but silk red boxer shorts and a glass of chardonnay in his hand.  
  
"I've been waiting for you, darling." said Ron sensuously  
  
"What the fu-" started Harry.  
  
But Ron quickly got up and placed his hand on Harry's mouth.  
  
"Shh, shh, shh. We have some things to talk about, my love." said Ron with a sparkle in his eye.  
  
"Like what? The fact that you are totally getting off on me?" said Harry, pointing at Ron's privates. Ron was just a little "excited", so to say.  
  
"Hey, the boxers are silk and feel very good on Ron jr." said Ron with a shudder of pleasure. "And, yeah, maybe you do make me feel tingly all over."  
  
"What! I can't believe this! You can't be gay! What about Fleur Delacour, and the veelas? You were practically popping out of your pants every time you saw them!" pleaded Harry  
  
"Well, that's how everyone feels around them! Besides, the only reason I drooled over Fleur was because Roger Davies was always following her! And Roger Davies is yummy." said Ron.  
  
"I never thought I would hear you say 'yummy'" said Harry with amazement.  
  
"That's it" said Ron pulling out a pair of handcuffs and a whip. " If you don't agree to be with me, I'll just have to force you." Ron cuffed Harry. He then began to undress Harry, while pulling of his own boxers. "Ron! What the hell are you doing?"  
  
"I'm going medieval on your ass, biotch!" said Ron  
  
END SCENARIO 8  
  
A/N- sorry, just a little gross. By the way, "going medieval" was borrowed form "Pulp Fiction", but hopefully, Quentin Terrentino won't sue me.  
  
Scenario 9: The product placement- Chris Columbus standby- Trojan Man one.  
  
A/N-Chris Columbus blows goats. And I'm getting paid a ridiculous amount of money for this for product placement ads.  
  
Harry leaned in to kiss Cho. But before Harry could kiss her, Cho stopped and said  
  
"Harry, there's something missing"  
  
"Where?" said a dumbfounded Harry.  
  
"In the bedroom" replied Cho.  
  
"IN THE WHAT?" said a horrorstruck Harry  
  
All of the sudden, trumpets blasted and a galloping horse could be heard. The door to the Room of Requirement burst open, a man on horseback rode in, and a choir sang,  
  
"TROJAN MAN!"  
  
The man, who was wearing what suspiciously looked like Ronald McDonald's outfit began to educate Harry on a woman's "anatomical sensitivity" and "her pleasure condoms". As soon as Trojan Man left Harry with a super economy size box of condoms, a man wearing glasses and a windbreaker came into the room with a cell phone.  
  
"Can you hear me now?" he said. "Good!"  
  
"Excuse me, but who the hell are you?" demanded Harry.  
  
"Oh, hey. I'm the Verizon Wireless guy. I aimlessly walk around the Earth to make sure that the guy I'm talking to can hear me. Since this castle were in is located in the middle of Butt Fu*k, England, I had to make sure that I can be heard on my phone." the Verizon guy explained.  
  
"Who are you talking to, by the way?" said Harry.  
  
"Don Rickles." said the guy. He flashed the peace sign and walked out. Harry flashed the finger and kicked a pillow.  
  
"what the hell is going on?" Harry questioned no one.  
  
"I don't know, but I have pizza" said Cho, who was conspicuously missing during the Trojan/Verizon incident.  
  
"What? Pizza? Okay." said Harry, taking a slice. He began to eat it with enjoyment.  
  
"Mmm. This pizza is so good! How did you get a pizza place to deliver here?" said Harry  
  
" Harry, I have something to tell you." said Cho.  
  
"You're married?" said Harry with a look of disappointment on his pizza sauce smeared face.  
  
"No, asshole! It's not delivery, it's D'Giorno!"  
  
"I can read you like a book." said Harry.  
  
"CUT!" yelled a man who was off screen.  
  
"What now Chris?" said Daniel Radcliffe.(AKA Harry Potter)  
  
"That was good you two. That's a wrap!" said Chris Columbus. "Let's print that, and I'll see you two tomorrow"  
  
While Daniel and the chick who plays Cho walked off the set, Chris Columbus was getting paid beaucoup d'argent (or money, for you non French speaking people) by a man with a Trojan Man baseball cap, a woman wearing a Verizon Wireless windbreaker, and two men with D'Giorno t-shirts on.  
  
"It's good to be me." said Chris.  
  
END SCENARIO 9.  
  
A/N- If that was confusing, I will explain. The scenario was taking place while "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" was being filmed. Because of the product placement, Chris Columbus got paid lotsa money.  
  
cheers,  
  
little red 


End file.
